Too many ideas I don't want to tell to go away. Way too exciting of stuff. I already think it all, all day long, but it never wants to stop. It never will until I act on it. Until I bring it into fruition. But it is just too much stuff. I always need one more thing. Something better than what I already have. Some new skill or tool. Money is not even the object anymore. Time is not the object. Energy is not the object. It is still just fear. Fear that I will complete it and present it and no one will want it. Fear of finding out that I really do need a 4-year degree before I can make it.
What is that thing? Why did she do it like that? Doesn't she know that is not how you are supposed to do it? Does she really think that looks good?
I have weird ass taste. I think things are awesome when most people think it's fucked up. I think things are beautiful that most people find ugly or sad or terrifying. I understand things that most people think is psychotic or totally off the wall. In this world where the puzzle of beauty seems to have scattered its pieces all over the place, I can see where they fit together. I know how the sand is connected to the stars, then to the oceans and the trees and the shadows and lungs and grasses and then the sand again. I know what it all means for me. I need to show it to you all. But its like trying to start a new language to teach everyone. Who would even want to learn? I always hope that deep down everyone already feels that language inside that they want to learn. But maybe not. Maybe I really do just have weird ass taste that no one cares to understand.
